


All Of These Stars Will Guide Us Home

by kiwiiChan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Fate, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Holding Hands, I miss Johnten, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kinda but not really, M/M, Secret Relationship, Sleepovers, Stargazing, i had to represent us Bi’s, johnny is bisexual, johnten, volleyball player johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 21:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19912219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiiChan/pseuds/kiwiiChan
Summary: People fall out of love just as much as they fall in love. It just happens.





	All Of These Stars Will Guide Us Home

**Author's Note:**

> The Childhood Friends Who Eventually Started Dating concept except with an ending nobody asked for

In kindergarten, Johnny shares everything with his best friend. (He has a long name and it’s a little hard for Johnny to pronounce, so he calls him Ten) He shares his crayons, his own lunch, even his chair as they color a picture for their parents. One day he shares his juice box with Ten and they both show up sick the next day. They’re attached by the hip as Johnny’s father says. He just loves hanging out with Ten, they have play dates  _ all _ the time. (this is mainly because they live across the street from eachother and their families are good friends). 

In fifth grade, Johnny and Ten play pokémon until their cards are bent and tearing at the edges. They play video games and laugh when the other one loses and chucks the controller at the ground. They complain about their homework and talk about the pretty girl in class who always asks Ten if she can copy his answers. They stay up all night in Johnny’s basement and try to rap to their favorite rap songs. (Whoever raps it better gets to take any pokémon card from the other’s deck).

In sixth grade when the boys are having one of their usual sleepovers, Ten is quiet and cautious when he tells Johnny that he thinks he might like boys. He’s scared of what people might think, but he’s even more scared of what _Johnny_ might think. He’s been his best friend since they could speak, he really doesn’t want to lose him. Johnny can hear the knot in the other boy’s throat when he speaks. He really doesn’t want him to cry, but he’s never been the best with words so he tells Ten to come sleep on his bed with him instead. He comforts him, tells him it’s okay, that it doesn’t matter who he likes because it’s not wrong to fall in love. It’s the first time Ten has slept on Johnny’s bed since they were six years old. 

In seventh grade, Johnny realizes that he likes boys just as much as he likes girls so naturally, he tells Ten one day after school. It’s really no surprise that Ten supports him. They would always support eachother, they’re best friends and that’s what best friends do _.  _ They continue on with their day and tease eachother about the test grades they got in math class. 

One summer night, right before eighth grade, they’re lying on the grass in Ten’s backyard watching the few stars visible in the sky when Ten tells Johnny he might have a crush on him. It takes Johnny by surprise, but he confesses to Ten that he  _ definitely _ has a crush on him. Ten wipes his sweaty palms on his shorts, takes a deep breath in and musters all of his courage to give Johnny a small kiss on the cheek. Johnny doesn’t give a reaction. Mainly because he’s been wishing for this moment for a good few months and now that it’s happening his body seems to have shut down out of excitement. He doesn’t give Ten a kiss back, instead his cheeks flush pink and his heart hammers in his chest as he stays there staring at the sky watching an airplane pass by. Ten's about to get up and run, positive he just made the biggest mistake of his life, but Johnny grabs onto his hand and doesn’t let go. Ten lies back down on the itchy grass and stares up at the passing airplane with Johnny as they hold hands. 

In eighth grade Johnny and Ten hold hands under tables. They’re not embarrassed, they’re just scared of what other peoples reaction might be. Johnny always remembers the day when they wanted to eat at the fast food place by his house and the old man behind the counter gave them a look of shame and disapproval when he held onto Ten's hand. They decided not to eat there that day. They hide their hands under the tables and hold on tight. No one suspects a thing.

When middle school graduation comes along, it’s a small celebration. They’re only giving out achievement and participation awards to students. When Ten's name is mentioned however, Johnny cheers the loudest. He can see Ten's blinding smile from where he stands. Ten cheers loud and proud for Johnny too. Loud enough that the teacher in charge of the group has to tell him to quiet down. When they’re done getting their awards they somehow manage to find each other in the crowd of people. Maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through their veins or maybe it’s the fact that they’ve done this a hundred times in Ten’s bedroom, but they kiss. It’s the first time they kiss in public and not many people seem to mind. Sure, they get an odd look here and there, but this time neither boy cares. 

Three years go by in a flash. They’re juniors in high school now. They don’t hide their hands under tables or sneak kisses when people aren’t looking. They do it even though everyone sees. And _everyone_ sees because they’re pretty well known. Ten, because he’s one of the smartest people in school and tutors others after classes and Johnny because he’s won the school many trophies playing volleyball. Ten never misses one of Johnny’s games. He always congratulates Johnny with a hug and a kiss.

It’s mid year of junior year when Ten starts to feel it. They’re on Johnny’s bed listening to Queen, but something doesn’t feel right. Ten goes through a checklist in his mind. Did he feed the cat? Did he turn off the stove after his mom left for work? Did he finish all of his homework? Did he finish filling out his college applications? The answers are all yes, but somehow Ten feels like something’s wrong. He puts the thought to rest and wraps his arms around Johnny’s torso. Johnny’s already asleep, chest rising up and down softly. His mouth is partly open, letting out soft snores. He’s never realized it before, but it bothers Ten a little. He turns the music up a little bit louder to drown them out and they fade away as he falls asleep. 

This feeling lasts for a bit and Ten tries his best to ignore it.  _ Maybe it’s school _ ,  _ junior year is the most important.  _ He tries every excuse in the book except one, but that can’t be it. He stays home a lot to study more than usual and he starts staying after school for tutoring even though he knows everything he needs to know. But the feeling lingers on and now he  _ knows _ what it is. 

It’s not too long after when Johnny realizes too. He realizes when he calls Ten everyday after volleyball practice and doesn’t get an answer or when the only answer he _does_ get is that he’s studying. What else can he study for? Hasn’t he studied enough? He gives him his space anyway, he doesn’t want to suffocate him. 

Two weeks later Johnny climbs the side of Ten's house, the way he used to when they were in middle school, and gets in through his window after Ten unlocks it. 

“Johnny what are you doing?” Tens hair is a mess and he has dark circles under his eyes. His dinner sits cold and untouched in a plate by his books. 

“When’s the last time you slept?” Ten ignores the question and goes back to his book. The book he’s been reading and rereading for an entire week now. He’s pretty sure he almost has it memorized. 

Johnny makes sure Ten gets some sleep that night. He lies down next to him, deciding not to put his arm around Ten’s waist because something about it just feels a little bit off. 

It’s 2 am when Ten decides it's time to say something. It’s killing him not to say anything about it. He can’t sleep, he can’t focus. He doesn’t  _ want _ to do it, he doesn’t want to hurt. He wipes his sweaty palms on his boxers, takes a deep breath in and musters all of his courage to finally speak. 

“Johnny I have to say something.” his voice is delicate and soft, much more than usual. 

It startles Johnny, he didn’t know Ten was still awake. They went to bed at midnight. He sits up on the bed, looking back to meet Ten’s eyes, face barely illuminated by the moonlight. 

“Yeah?” somehow Johnny’s voice is much softer than Ten’s. 

“I don’t think-“ Ten pauses for a moment because he feels the tears starting to form “-don’t think we should see eachother anymore. I don’t feel the way I used to.” 

Johnny doesn’t say anything for a minute. Thank  _ god _ because Ten needed some time to take some deep breaths and bat the tears off his eyes.

Johnny takes Ten’s hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Yeah, I know.” 

Ten looks at him in confusion. 

“You stopped showing up at games and started avoiding me. I actually expected this a month ago. I guess my luck lasted an extra month.” He gets up and puts on his shoes. Careful, quietly, making sure Ten doesn’t see the tears slipping from his eyes. 

He sits on Ten’s windowsill and looks back at him. He’s sitting up, looking like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. Like he can breath now, like he can sleep. He never meant to be a burden to Ten he  ~~ loves ~~ loved him. He can’t say anything, he’s afraid the tears will spill faster so all he does is give Ten one last smile before he climbs down the side of the house and crosses the street to enter his own. 

Both Ten and Johnny go to school the next day with tired, red eyes. An exam is failed and a game is lost. 

Senior year passes by quicker than either of them can fathom. One moment they’re in class and the next they’re at graduation. Ten’s name is called, people cheer. Johnny cheers, but not loud enough that his voice is heard above all the others this time. Johnny’s proud of him. 

Johnny’s name is called a short while later and his whole team has to be told to quiet down because they’re too loud. Johnny laughs at them, but his eyes land on one boy standing by the exit. Diploma in hand, cap slipping off his head. He sees him clap and give a small cheer. He runs off as soon as he catches on that Johnny’s staring at him, but there’s no mistaking Ten’s blinding smile and silver hair. 

  
  


Fate is a funny thing. It lets you do your own thing for a while, watches as you try and try over and over again to make things go your way. When in reality things are always up to fate, whether you believe it or not. What are the odds that Johnny and Ten would end up at the same college, in a completely different continent, hundreds and thousands of miles away from their childhood homes? 

It’s a month after first semester starts when Johnny thinks he sees a familiar face. He does a double take, but ultimately decides it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. The next week though, its proven his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. He’s entering the campus cafe when Ten is exiting. They stare at eachother for a second, confused, then laugh and go on their way. 

They’ve both changed from when they last saw eachother. They both look tired, stressed, but that’s college for you. Johnny feels like seeing Ten after all this time is a sign. Maybe it’s closure. A confirmation that everything was going to be okay. Whatever it is, it gives Johnny a warm feeling in his chest, a feeling of familiarity. Maybe in this lifetime they weren’t meant to be together and that’s okay. It truly is. Because he was blessed to have spent his teenage years being in love with someone he truly loved and it didn’t end in bad terms. People fall out of love just as much as they fall in love and maybe in a different lifetime, a different timeline, a different plane of existence, he’ll get to love Ten all over again. In the meantime though, he’ll live this life the way it’s meant to be lived, however it’s meant to be lived.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for taking some time out of your day to read this little fic, i hope it wasn’t too bad.  
> find me on twitter @/suhtrwbrry and tell me anything


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